Real Men… Lead


28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30because we are members of his body.

When we are faced with difficulty, with arguments, with relationship problems, it is my responsibility as husband to ensure that we get through it together. The church is the body of Christ. When the church sins and goes into error does Jesus abandon her? No. When I sin and act rebelliously Jesus doesn’t say ‘that’s it… you sought yourself out?’ No. Does Jesus push or punch his church? No, why would he treat his own body that way? In the same way when there is conflict it is the man’s responsibility to take the lead in fixing it. Even if it’s not your fault, especially when it’s not your fault, ignoring her, pushing her away would be like cutting yourself in half. We are one, like Christ and the church.

Here’s what it means practically. It doesn’t matter what she has done, what she is doing, what she will do I have to treat her as if she is a part of me. Does it mean I am passive about everything she does? No. But I take the lead in dealing with it. Most times this means I pray. I pray for patience, for grace, for strength. And most times God changes my heart during times of prayer. Or God intervenes and gives me a creative solution. Relationships end and conflict escalate when the guy throws in the towel.

How do I know if he is a real Man?

  1. Is he a Christ follower? Has he understood the grace of God for himself? If not you cannot expect him to love you the way Christ loves the church.
  2. Does he spend time daily reading the Bible and praying? If not he cannot lead you spiritually. If he can’t feed himself how can he feed someone else?!
  3. What does he believe? Does he have sound doctrine? Does his worldview reflect Hollywood or the Bible? Good doctrine is about humility; allowing the Bible to judge you, to be the authority over you. Proud men are tyrants, who will never take responsibility.
  4. Does he have intimate accountable Christian brothers who genuinely love him? He needs spiritual fathers and brothers to establish his identity as a son. Behavior flows out of identity. Even if he is a Christian, if he doesn’t have community then his behavior won’t be very holy.
  5. Is he filled with the Spirit? It’s just impossible for any man to practice true biblical headship without the help of the Holy Spirit.
  6. Is he under the authority of a local church? How does he deal with authority? Are you going to have someone in authority over you who doesn’t want to be under any ones authority? That’s a very scary place for you!
  7. What has he accomplished to express leadership? Where does he serve? Who has he mentored? Does his life revolve around him? Does he give to other? His actions will tell you what’s in his heart.
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